Dispatch From The Commune #12 – Dude, Where’s My Itinerant Artists?

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We’re right here!  Sorry it’s taken so long for an update.  I know, I know, you’ve been chomping at the bit for more info.  Here it is:

LIZ has gotten her cast off, and she is hobbling around the streets of Brooklyn in her supportive boot like a pro!  However, EMILY’S having foot surgery this weekend, and will be hobbling about.  As one puts down the crutches, the other picks them up.  It’s either crazy happenstance, or some kind of intense crutch fetish they’ve got going on.  Liz has also been kicking the ass of schoolwork,  and Emily recently received an A on her first law school memo!  We’re all super proud!

Sadly, we just found out last night that Liz’s grandfather passed away, which is very sad indeed.  Liz will be going home to Scranton for the funeral, so if everyone would please send her loving and strengthening vibes, that would be great.  He was 93, had a penchant for fedoras, and apparently actually rode the rails in his youth.  He lived more life than most people, and if you’ve gotta go, that would be the way to do it – after a long, bustling life like that.

However, there is happy news: LIZ IS MOVING BACK INTO THE COMMUNE IN JANUARY! We will be very excited to have her back.  And it will be just in time for her birthday!  🙂

ADAM has been leading a very happy dating life.   In other news, he’s been writing up a storm as he works on his Faulknerian story project.

He’s also joined a writing workshop group which was the brainchild Commune Cohort, JEAN, which also includes TERESA and ALEX.  The four of them have already had a really successful first meeting, and are meeting again next weekend.  Pay attention, bitches.  It’s the new Algonquin Round Table. (and by the way, the new catchphrase is “Whose B do I have to J to get a story published around here!”  Thank you, Teresa, for your colorful use of language.)

Speaking of TERESA, she too has been writing up a storm, and has taken a hiatus from non-fiction about pop culture in favor of her fiction projects, namely a novel, a short story in its final stages of revision, and The Pack.  She plans on hibernating this winter.  Actually, it’s more accurate to say she’ll be in a cocoon until spring, when she will emerge as a butterfly….that…has…stories…written and stuff….She continues to try to keep her day job from devouring her soul.  Every day is a battle.  Yesterday evening, Adam accompanied her to the Fashion For Dummies book party, which she attended in support of the book’s author, and her friend, Pierre Lehu. They planned  their own future book parties as they hobnobbed with publishing mucky-mucks.  Teresa spoke to a certain editor who had expressed interest in a non-fiction book idea she had, and the editor told her how she could refine it to make it more salable.  Editor seems not full of bullshit and actually interested.  Teresa is cautiously hopeful.

LINDSAY has been living and breathing the two little children she’s homeschooling.  She’s been having a bit of trouble with the older boy in particular, which has been a bit discouraging for her.  But the parents are trying to figure out how to provide her with the help she needs, and they value her tremendously.  Now, Lindsay’s just wondering when all that travel she was promised is supposed to be starting.  Life is getting a bit stifling for her in Liz’s tiny room, and as she was never supposed to be there for this long, she’s taken to breaking out of it by sleeping in the living room.  Soon, there will be Italy and Hong Kong, though, right?  Right??

DIANA and SEBASTIEN have become the house’s resident old people, going to bed at 8PM, waking up at the butt-crack of dawn, and cooking meals together as they discuss butter’s many fascinating uses.  🙂  Of course, their crazy schedules are due to their jobs.  And they can still be heard having sex in their apartment, so if they are indeed old people, at least their hip replacements are functional.  They seem to be going strong!  What’s it been…over 5 months-ish?  Way to make a sublet work for you, Sebastien!  😉

BRIAN seems to have adapted nicely to life in the house, though he only emerges from his room rarely, as he spends a lot of time in there working, because he’s the only one in the house who’s actually EARNING A LIVING from his writing.  Yup, he’s finished that book on trustafarianism that he was working on, and he continues to write for a great kids’ website even as he’s hobnobbing with TV producers and giving them his resume on a roll of toilet paper.  Don’t ask.

Tune in next time for more exciting adventures (or at least some pretty cool updates) from The Commune!

– Head Commune-ist

Published in: on November 13, 2009 at 2:05 AM  Leave a Comment  
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Sex With 900 Men in Nine Years (or, Where Does She Find the TIME?)

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Posted by TERESA

So, I was listening to Elvis Duran and the Z Morning Zoo this morning, as I am wont to do most mornings, and they were talking about this story.  Apparently, a woman in England “confessed” to having slept with 900 men in nine years.

My first question?

Who the hell did she “confess” this to, and why did she want to make this news??

My second question?

Where did she find the time??

However, what bothered me most was the way it was being discussed on the radio, both by the DJs and the people calling in.  I’m sure you already know how it went.  Hell, you might even have chimed in the same way yourself!  There was a string of calls saying she was a slut, but more than that, that she was “disturbed” or had “psychological problems.”  My absolute favorite quote (and by favorite, I mean that I wanted to punch the guy in the face) was when this guy called in and said “It would even be a bit abnormal if a guy did that!”

Check that word choice, people:

It would even be a bit abnormal if a guy did that.

First, let me get this out of the way….900 men is A LOT.  A LOT.  Like, way more than your usual amount, and I’m including porn stars and gang bangers when I say that.  That many people definitely increases your risk for all sorts of STDs and pregnancy no matter how much protection you use, or what kind of pill you’re on.  I mean, that’s just a matter of numbers.

But what bothered me was the way people were talking about this woman.  First, there was the knee-jerk reaction in calling her a slut, to which I say….so?  OK, so she’s a slut.  Now what?  People think that pointing out the fact that a woman has slept with many men is the ultimate insult.  As if what she’s done is, of course, inherently morally wrong.  As if the discussion stops there.  My next question would be, “Why?”  And no, “It just IS” is not an answer.  (If you’d like to answer that question in the comments, feel free)  I, for one, don’t think it is.  No one who called in actually had a reason why what she did was wrong, and every assumption they made was proved wrong by the story:

– she was never abused as a child and was, in fact, raised in a Catholic home with Catholic values and sent to a Catholic school.

– she always used protection (and never got an STD or pregnant)

– the sex was always consentual and initiated by her

– there was nothing in the story pointing to the fact that she actually did have clinical psychological problems, nor do any of her quotes lead me to believe that.

John Bell, one of the DJs on Z100 who’s USUALLY the voice of reason, said “Someone who sleeps with that many people doesn’t do it for pleasure or because they like sex.  Clearly, there’s something wrong.”

Clearly?  Really?  Is this according to your years of psychological study?  Cause, I know lots of people – women, specifically – who just REALLY LIKE SEX THAT MUCH.  And *gasp* they prioritize sex over having a relationship.

EEK!  THE HORROR!

What bothered me about the whole thing was that every response people gave to this story was rooted in the idea that women shouldn’t have lots of sex.  That a “normal” woman doesn’t want it that much, and if she expresses wanting it that much, then “clearly” there’s something wrong with her.  Meanwhile, while this would “even” be a lot for a man, clearly it would be more permissible if it were.  Hell, if this had been a guy, it probably wouldn’t have been news! (Though someone might have taken out a congratulatory ad)

That’s the other thing – the idea that she shouldn’t have done that, because no guy will want her after that.  Because men don’t like it when women are “tainted goods” and would never want to be in a relationship with a woman who’s been with that many men.    So, we’re back to the old chestnut that women have to control and compose their behavior to suit what men want so that they can land one and be in a stable relationship.

News flash: not every woman wants or cares if she’s in a relationship.

News flash #2: not all guys care how many partners a woman’s had, and some actually see a very experienced woman as a plus, because it means his sex life with her will be hot

News flash #3: lots of women, I would say MOST women, enjoy sex.  Like, as much as men. (*again, gasp*)

News flash #4 – and this is important – TO HELL WITH MEN!  I know a lot of you reading this are thinking “Teresa, obviously there’s a double-standard, but that’s just how it is, and if a woman wants a man she can’t be advertising her numbers like that.”

The people who’ve said that to me DRIVE ME CRAZY!  First of all, just because that’s “how it is”, doesn’t mean it’s right.  It was once common for there to be separate “White” and “Colored” bathrooms, too.  It was wrong then, and it’s wrong now.  If you live your life according to the way it is without also pursuing life as you want it to be, nothing will ever change for the better.  Any positive (or negative) changes in the world happen because enough people believe they should.  That’s all it takes, but apparently, it’s the most difficult thing to have happen.

So, say it with me: women like sex, too.

Sometimes they like it more than having a boyfriend. This should not be news.  Sometimes they have a boyfriend and that boyfriend lets them sleep with other men (and the women let their boyfriends sleep with other people, too). This should not be news.  Sometimes women don’t have miserable first times. This should not be news.  Sometimes women pursue sex! THIS SHOULD NOT BE NEWS.

My only problem with this woman is that she allowed it to be a news story.  Who did she tell, and why did she feel the need to make it public?  The sluts I know (and I use the term with love, and they know that) are all also extremely classy and discreet.  They are ethical people who are  open about how they live, but they never shove it in people’s faces, never use it as party story fodder unless requested, and generally act (and dress) tastefully.  And they treat their sex partners, whether they are in a relationship with them, or it’s a one night stand, with respect.  Just because someone has a lot of sex doesn’t mean they have to make themselves a sideshow attraction.

So this woman is a slut, but I have more of a problem with her being a media whore.  I think that’s more indicative of the aforementioned “psychological problems” than the sex is in and of itself.

What do you all think? I’d love to hear from guys in particular.  If you found out that the girl you were dating successfully and exclusively had slept with 900 guys before you, how would you react, and why?

**ADDENDUM: I’m sure if any of you reading this actually sat down and counted everyone you’ve ever had sexual encounters with – be it boyfriends or one night stands, be they full-on intercourse, oral sex, or any variation thereof – I think you might surprise yourself with your own number.

Published in: on October 26, 2009 at 5:23 PM  Leave a Comment  
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Independence Day!

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We here at The Commune would like to wish everyone in the U.S. who might be reading this a Happy Fourth of July!  Despite being bohemian Pinko hippies over here, we actually love the United States quite a bit, thank you very much!  We have our fights, sure, but we always make up in the end (usually by electing new presidents, like Barack Obama). 

And really, what holiday could appeal more to a bunch of rebellious, bohemian hippie-types than a holiday that celebrates our independence from a colonial power? 

In fact, we have a catchphrase around The Commune that applies quite nicely at a time like this, so I will use it now:

FUCK ENGLAND! * 🙂

We forget how that started, exactly, but it really is something we say around here.  It’s usually followed by:

There are only three good things that ever came out of England!  Shakespeare, The Beatles, and America!

We didn’t make up that bit, but we repeat it quite often.  Really – don’t remember how it started.  We were probably drunk at the time or something…

So, Happy Fourth of July!  And fuck England**!

*Just kidding, England.  We actually like you quite a bit, too.  The accents, the cutting edge music, the lit-rah-ture.  Keep giving us stuff like Shaun of the Dead and Doctor Who and we will love you forever!  ❤

**In fact, we mean Fuck England quite literally.  Like, as a command.  And we’d like to start with Kate Winslet, Christian Bale, Simon Pegg, Clive Owen, Helena Bonham Carter, Neil Gaiman, Christopher Eccleston, Ralph Fiennes, all of Radiohead, Rachel Weisz, Daniel Craig, Keira Knightley, Helen Mirren, Parminder Nagra, Alan Rickman, Alan Rickman As Professor Snape (yes, that’s a separate entry), David Bowie, Lily Allen, Colin Firth, Ioan Gruffud, all three Harry Potter leads as well as Bonnie Wright (Ginny Weasley) and Tom Felton (Draco Malfoy), Chris Martin, David Beckham, Martin Freeman, Stephen Merchant, Martine McCutcheon, Dev Patel…

We’ll just start there.  Don’t worry Rest of England, we’ll get to you soon enough!

– Head Commune-ist

Published in: on July 4, 2009 at 12:29 AM  Comments (3)  
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