Posted by TERESA
So, I was listening to Elvis Duran and the Z Morning Zoo this morning, as I am wont to do most mornings, and they were talking about this story. Apparently, a woman in England “confessed” to having slept with 900 men in nine years.
My first question?
Who the hell did she “confess” this to, and why did she want to make this news??
My second question?
Where did she find the time??
However, what bothered me most was the way it was being discussed on the radio, both by the DJs and the people calling in. I’m sure you already know how it went. Hell, you might even have chimed in the same way yourself! There was a string of calls saying she was a slut, but more than that, that she was “disturbed” or had “psychological problems.” My absolute favorite quote (and by favorite, I mean that I wanted to punch the guy in the face) was when this guy called in and said “It would even be a bit abnormal if a guy did that!”
Check that word choice, people:
It would even be a bit abnormal if a guy did that.
First, let me get this out of the way….900 men is A LOT. A LOT. Like, way more than your usual amount, and I’m including porn stars and gang bangers when I say that. That many people definitely increases your risk for all sorts of STDs and pregnancy no matter how much protection you use, or what kind of pill you’re on. I mean, that’s just a matter of numbers.
But what bothered me was the way people were talking about this woman. First, there was the knee-jerk reaction in calling her a slut, to which I say….so? OK, so she’s a slut. Now what? People think that pointing out the fact that a woman has slept with many men is the ultimate insult. As if what she’s done is, of course, inherently morally wrong. As if the discussion stops there. My next question would be, “Why?” And no, “It just IS” is not an answer. (If you’d like to answer that question in the comments, feel free) I, for one, don’t think it is. No one who called in actually had a reason why what she did was wrong, and every assumption they made was proved wrong by the story:
– she was never abused as a child and was, in fact, raised in a Catholic home with Catholic values and sent to a Catholic school.
– she always used protection (and never got an STD or pregnant)
– the sex was always consentual and initiated by her
– there was nothing in the story pointing to the fact that she actually did have clinical psychological problems, nor do any of her quotes lead me to believe that.
John Bell, one of the DJs on Z100 who’s USUALLY the voice of reason, said “Someone who sleeps with that many people doesn’t do it for pleasure or because they like sex. Clearly, there’s something wrong.”
Clearly? Really? Is this according to your years of psychological study? Cause, I know lots of people – women, specifically – who just REALLY LIKE SEX THAT MUCH. And *gasp* they prioritize sex over having a relationship.
EEK! THE HORROR!
What bothered me about the whole thing was that every response people gave to this story was rooted in the idea that women shouldn’t have lots of sex. That a “normal” woman doesn’t want it that much, and if she expresses wanting it that much, then “clearly” there’s something wrong with her. Meanwhile, while this would “even” be a lot for a man, clearly it would be more permissible if it were. Hell, if this had been a guy, it probably wouldn’t have been news! (Though someone might have taken out a congratulatory ad)
That’s the other thing – the idea that she shouldn’t have done that, because no guy will want her after that. Because men don’t like it when women are “tainted goods” and would never want to be in a relationship with a woman who’s been with that many men. So, we’re back to the old chestnut that women have to control and compose their behavior to suit what men want so that they can land one and be in a stable relationship.
News flash: not every woman wants or cares if she’s in a relationship.
News flash #2: not all guys care how many partners a woman’s had, and some actually see a very experienced woman as a plus, because it means his sex life with her will be hot
News flash #3: lots of women, I would say MOST women, enjoy sex. Like, as much as men. (*again, gasp*)
News flash #4 – and this is important – TO HELL WITH MEN! I know a lot of you reading this are thinking “Teresa, obviously there’s a double-standard, but that’s just how it is, and if a woman wants a man she can’t be advertising her numbers like that.”
The people who’ve said that to me DRIVE ME CRAZY! First of all, just because that’s “how it is”, doesn’t mean it’s right. It was once common for there to be separate “White” and “Colored” bathrooms, too. It was wrong then, and it’s wrong now. If you live your life according to the way it is without also pursuing life as you want it to be, nothing will ever change for the better. Any positive (or negative) changes in the world happen because enough people believe they should. That’s all it takes, but apparently, it’s the most difficult thing to have happen.
So, say it with me: women like sex, too.
Sometimes they like it more than having a boyfriend. This should not be news. Sometimes they have a boyfriend and that boyfriend lets them sleep with other men (and the women let their boyfriends sleep with other people, too). This should not be news. Sometimes women don’t have miserable first times. This should not be news. Sometimes women pursue sex! THIS SHOULD NOT BE NEWS.
My only problem with this woman is that she allowed it to be a news story. Who did she tell, and why did she feel the need to make it public? The sluts I know (and I use the term with love, and they know that) are all also extremely classy and discreet. They are ethical people who are open about how they live, but they never shove it in people’s faces, never use it as party story fodder unless requested, and generally act (and dress) tastefully. And they treat their sex partners, whether they are in a relationship with them, or it’s a one night stand, with respect. Just because someone has a lot of sex doesn’t mean they have to make themselves a sideshow attraction.
So this woman is a slut, but I have more of a problem with her being a media whore. I think that’s more indicative of the aforementioned “psychological problems” than the sex is in and of itself.
What do you all think? I’d love to hear from guys in particular. If you found out that the girl you were dating successfully and exclusively had slept with 900 guys before you, how would you react, and why?
**ADDENDUM: I’m sure if any of you reading this actually sat down and counted everyone you’ve ever had sexual encounters with – be it boyfriends or one night stands, be they full-on intercourse, oral sex, or any variation thereof – I think you might surprise yourself with your own number.